


Bullet Proof Loneliness

by writetherest



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 06:42:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writetherest/pseuds/writetherest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She feels like she's just fallen down the rabbit hole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bullet Proof Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place directly after The Job, but is slightly AU in the fact that in this story, Michael and Jan didn't get back together before his job interview. They're still apart, even after his interview. Title taken from the Fall Out Boy song I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me and You), which was also kind of an inspiration for this, a little bit.

The worst part isn't that Jim had dumped her. The worst part isn't even that he'd dumped her and then left her crying by a fountain, which in her book is pretty damn bad. No, the worst part is that she'd driven up with Halpert and when he left, he didn't exactly take her with him. So now she is stranded in New York and has to get a ride back to Scranton from a friend, which means she has to explain why she isn't just riding back with Jim. Perfect.

~ * ~

Michael's car is the only one left in the parking lot when they pull into the Scranton Business Park, and she is ready to just jump into her car, go back to her apartment, and lick her wounds. But she needs to go up to the office to drop a few things off. She climbs out of the car and walks straight into the office building, never looking back at the car or the driver. She can't stand the look of pity she knows she'll be getting.

~ * ~

She checks that the camera crew isn't around before she walks into the office. She never thought she'd get used to the cameras, and she's not sure she ever really did. At least she knows to check for them now.

She dumps her stuff on her desk and intends to just walk out the door. She has no reason to stop, and certainly no reason to look in at Michael, to see him sitting there just staring ahead looking like he's lost his last friend. She has no reason to lean on the door frame and say hi. The only reason she does is because he looks like she feels.

Michael snaps out of his trance at the sound of her voice. "Oh, hi, Karen."

"Hey." She's not sure what else she's supposed to say in this moment.

"So, I guess you heard… Ryan got the job."

She's confused. "What job?"

Michael looks at her funny, as though wondering what planet she's from. " _The_ job. The job at corporate. They gave it to Ryan."

He's gotta be joking. This has gotta be some sick, stupid joke of his, just like the finger penis. Some stupid joke to make her already crappy day even worse. Except he doesn't look all that happy about it, and Michael's never been able to keep a straight face. Which means that Ryan actually did get the job.

"Are you kidding me?" She blinks rapidly. There is nothing else to do. "Are you _fucking_ kidding me?" She's made it a rule that she never swears at work, no matter how much she would sometimes like to. But she can't help it this time. There really is nothing else to say.

"It should've been you." Michael says, and she whips her head up, ready to scream at him for patronizing her. Except when she looks up, she realizes that he's being serious. "Ryan's never even made a sale. Not one stupid sale. And you've made tons. And Jim, well, Jim's great, but he's supposed to stay here and take over for me when I retire. It should've been you. If it couldn't have been me, it should've been you."

She had scoffed at him, laughed when he'd told David that either she or Jim would make a great candidate for the job. She never actually took into account the fact that he meant it, that he was actually recommending her for the position.

She doesn't know what to say. She feels like she's just fallen down the rabbit hole. She's supposed to be in New York City with Jim right now, not here with Michael. And she's supposed to have gotten the job – or at the very least Jim is supposed to have gotten the job. And it's supposed to be Jim telling her that it should've been her, not Michael. But here she is, with Michael, while Jim's off somewhere, probably with Pam.

She feels like she's going to cry again, and bites her tongue hard to stop herself. She has already cried once today. She won't do it again. Except it seems like Michael has already noticed her pain, because he's rising from his chair and heading toward her, his arms outstretched. Oh god, he's going to hug her. He's going to hug her, and she's going to fall apart.

He's almost got his arms around her, she can feel the heat from his body, and she can't let him hug her. She can't. So she does the only thing she can think of to stop him. She kisses him instead.

~ * ~

He is, she thinks, a surprisingly good kisser. He doesn't look like he would be. He looks like the kind of guy who has only had maybe two girlfriends in his whole life, but damn, can he kiss.

At first he had been taken off guard by the way she captured his lips with hers, pressing hard on them to keep him from hugging her. But after he had realized what was going on, he had started kissing her back, rather from want or instinct she isn't sure. She tries desperately to pretend it is from instinct, the same way she tries desperately to pretend that the reason she's still kissing him is instinct.

Either way, they're still standing in his office, kissing, and she wonders if this is what it was like with him and Jan. If it was just this crazy, insane kissing that led to their relationship and her downfall. The weird thing is, she liked Michael with Jan, as much as she could allow herself to care. And now here she is kissing him in his office.

And even after she'd kissed him to stop him from hugging her, it hadn't really worked anyway. Because his one arm is wrapped around her waist, pulling her close in a half hug, and his other hand is tangled in her hair, which somewhere along the line had fallen out of its bun.

And the back of her knees hit the side of his desk and she gasps from the sensation, as well as from the fact that he's gently biting down on her lower lip, because with Jim it had never been like this. With Jim it was always slow and careful, like she was some porcelain doll who could be broken, and it was good, great actually, but she always found herself wanting him to take more control. She wasn't Pam, she wouldn't break, and she should've known then, she should've seen the signs then, before he left her crying by a fountain, but she didn't, and now here she is, with Michael, pinned against his desk with his teeth on her lips, and everything is flipped upside down but it's exhilarating.

Her mind is focused on the fact that she could very well be having sex with her boss, in his office, at any minute. And she is surprisingly not as freaked out by that fact as she should be. Instead her brain is swirling, thinking of the logistics, of places and positions and how it would have to be on the floor or on his desk, or maybe on the conference room table, because it's bigger and probably sturdier. And then for a second the thought flits across her mind that it should be on Jim's desk, as a sort of final, ironic revenge. But it couldn't be on Jim's desk or even in the conference room, because she knows the instant that her feet leave the doorway, the spell will be broken.

_Up against the wall_ , she thinks suddenly as Michael's hand slips from her hair to push her blazer off her shoulders. His other arm has unwound from her waist and his fingers are opening her belt buckle. She doesn't protest, doesn't stop to question any of this, she is tired of questions and answers that aren't what she wants. Instead she shoves his jacket off and sets to work on the buttons of his shirt, all the while still kissing and nipping at his lips.

Michael unbuttons her pants and she shifts so they slip down her hips, revealing her underwear. It is only at that moment that she realizes what she is wearing, and the even larger irony rears its head. The panties are lime green, as is the matching bra, and they were purchased for her by the very man undressing her. They were purchased for her to wear for Jim. Jim, who never saw them yet, who was supposed to be seeing them for the first time tonight as part of their celebratory evening.

But it's not Jim who is seeing the underwear, it's Michael, the man who bought them. And it's all so crazy that she swears she can hear a white rabbit running past, calling out because he's late. And sometime in amidst this swirl of thoughts, Michael has managed to get her pink shirt unbuttoned and revealed the matching bra.

He has pulled back from her and is taking in the sight before him, the sight of her standing up against his desk with her blouse hanging open and her pants around her ankles. She should be embarrassed, but she's so far beyond that right now. She just looks at him as he looks at her.

"Wow." Michael finally murmurs. "Wow. They look great on you. Just – wow."

And it should've been Jim telling her that, and Michael should have never seen her in her underwear, and the reality of it all suddenly crashes down on her and she is laughing and crying at the same time, and poor Michael doesn't know what to do, but she just can't stop the laughter or the tears.

So he does what she never wanted him to do, what started this whole thing in the first place, and he wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. And it is the strangest hug she has ever exchanged with anyone, but it just feels right for some reason. So she holds on to him and laughs and cries against him until all her emotions are spent.

After she's finally calmed down and pulled herself together, she pulls her pants up and buckles them, while Michael fixes the blouse and begins to slowly button it up for her. She takes over for him and he straightens himself out, and they are left just looking at each other.

She doesn't know what she's supposed to say, she opens her mouth but can't seem to find any words. Michael just smiles at her and shakes his head softly. She turns and leaves his office, hears him call after her, "It should've been you, Fillipelli."

That night she dreams jumbled dreams of Stamford and Scranton and New York, of Jim and Michael and Ryan, of jobs and relationships and fountains, of Call of Duty and squeaky chairs and Herr's chips, of what is and what could have been. She wakes up feeling disoriented but filled with a bit of understanding.

~ * ~

She pulls Jim into the break room and lets him have it, telling him that she's not going to give up her career or leave Scranton just because he's an asshole, and she truly does believe that. But she can't stand the sight of Pam and the way Jim constantly looks at her, so on her lunch break she calls David Wallace and asks about any other job openings.

He tells her of a regional manager job in Utica and she instantly accepts it, says she can start the next day. She waits until everyone but Michael has left for the day before she begins packing up her desk. She knows he is watching her, knows he knows that she is leaving, but he just sits in his office and doesn't say a word to her.

She had been petrified he would bring up their impromptu make-out session in his office, but he had kept quiet all day, a fact she was thankful for. Now she wonders what he's thinking, if he thinks the reason she's leaving is because of what happened (or didn't happen) between them.

When everything is completely gone from her desk and packed into the small box she had stolen from the break room, she puts her coat on and heads toward the door. She feels a strong sense of déjà vu and isn't sure whether she wants Michael to say anything to her or not.

She is almost past his office when she pauses and turns back, once again looking in at him. "Michael, I just wanted to say – I just wanted you to know – I'm not leaving because of –"

Michael waves his hand to stop her. "I know." He nods and smiles, and she believes that he does know. He knows, and Jim never did. She is taken by his smile, and how nice it really is. He looks like a little boy when he smiles, and that's not a bad thing.

"Thanks for – everything." She waves one hand generally and considers giving him a kiss on the cheek as a goodbye. Her lips tingle and she thinks better of it, backing up and turning away toward the door.

She is almost out the door, out of the office, and out of Scranton for good, when his voice reaches her. "Hey Karen?"

She stops, but is almost afraid to turn back. Afraid of what he is going to say or what he isn't going to say. She turns, tentatively.

"In a year, corporate will realize what a mistake they made hiring Ryan, and they'll fire him. Show 'em what you're made of at Utica so that they'll hire you to replace him."

He smiles again, and she smiles back, nods softly, and then leaves. For good this time.

~ * ~

She has almost everything packed. She is on her last suitcase, her last drawer. Underwear. She pulls out the lime green bra and panties, holds them in her hand for a second, then moves to hold them over the garbage can. They stay suspended there for a few moments before she pulls them back and lays them on the top of the pile of things in her suitcase.

~ * ~

She hears through the grapevine (Stanley) that Michael and Jan got back together and that Jan's living with Michael. She smiles at the news, but pretends she doesn't care. She also hears through the grapevine (Stanley again) that Jim and Pam are now officially dating. She pretends to smile, but she really doesn't care.

~ * ~

She knows it is coming, before she actually gets the call. When she hears his voice for the first time since she left Scranton, it's a strange feeling. She never thought she'd miss him, and she really doesn't. But she misses him more than others, and that's saying something.

"Fillipellers, how they hanging? To the left? To the right?"

She knows the cameras are on him, as well as on her, so she suppresses the urge to smile at his strange greeting. She nearly laughs out loud at the way he tries to talk up Toby but can't, and then she hangs up on him. The phone call should have left her a little bit annoyed she supposes, but really, it just makes her smile.

~ * ~

She should be far more angry at Michael than she is at the moment. But she can't be angry at him, not really, not when he's fighting for one of his employees. It is sweet, in a weird way, and although she is pissed about the copier and taken off guard by seeing Jim again, she can't help but think that it's good to see Michael. She stares him down while leaning back on her desk, trying hard not to think about the last time the back of her legs had been against a desk.

She lets him go, and she gets upset by Jim, but not as upset as she thought she would be. She wants to be more upset about the whole situation, and especially about the destruction of her industrial copier. Then she remembers that it's corporate (and therefore Ryan) who will have to pay for her to get a new one, and she smiles.

All in all, not a bad day.

~ * ~

She hears through the grapevine (Michael) that Jim and Pam are getting married. She doesn't get an invitation, not that she thought she would. She sends them a toaster and a note of congratulations, and spends their wedding night having sex with Rolando in just about every room in her apartment.

Two months later she does get a wedding invitation in the mail, her name scrawled on the front in a distinctive penmanship – Michael's. She RSVPs (for two - turns out the Rolando thing wasn't just a one night stand) that day.

The wedding is beautiful, and she's pretty sure she's never seen Michael look happier, or Jan for that matter. They had been through some rough times, but in the end here they were, married and dancing their first dance as a couple. She's happy for him, happy for the way his life has turned out. And as Rolando takes her hand and leads her to the dance floor, she thinks she's okay with how her life has turned out too.

 

~ * ~

She pays a dollar to dance with Michael, and smiles at the strange, yet familiar sensation of his hand on her back. "I'm glad you came, Fillipellers," he says and she sees Jan dancing with Jim, both of them looking over at her. She wonders if Michael ever told Jan about what happened in his office that night.

"Me too," she smiles. "I'm happy for you."

He nods and spins her out, then pulls her back in, allowing her a few extra moments of the dance. His hand brushes the back of her bra, and she wonders if he knows that she's wearing the lime green one. He smiles and winks at her, and she is answered.

"You should really show those to Rolando, if you haven't already."

She blushes just slightly and finally moves out of his arms, allowing Pam to take her place. She's allowing it this time. She feels like she's grown up a bit.

 

~ * ~

They stay a bit longer, watch Michael feed Jan cake and constantly dote on her, and she smiles a lot more than she has in a long time. She holds Rolando's hand as they seek out Michael and Jan to say goodbye. The drive to Utica will take a while, and she'd like to be home at a semi-decent hour, if only so she can show Rolando the underwear.

She congratulates Jan and gives her a hug, which the older woman reciprocates. Then she turns to Michael and smiles at him. She leans forward and gently kisses his cheek. "Congratulations Michael," she murmurs before she takes Rolando's hand again and heads for the exit.

Once again she is stopped by Michael's voice. "Hey Fillipelli."

She turns back, quizzical. "I heard through the grapevine that corporate's going to be looking for someone to replace Ryan. Apparently it's just not working out." His smile is a bit mischievous as he tells her, and she squeezes Rolando's hand tightly.

"I put in a good word for you." He winks, then waves her on her way.

She laughs and nods and then exits the reception hall, feeling happier than she has in years. Things are finally starting to fall into place. For both of them.


End file.
